They started out civil. They smiled, made nice chit chat and then started in to the negotiations.  Before they were halfway through they were out of their chairs and one guys hands were around the other guys neck.  Now least you think I am making this up, it is a real negotiation!

What went wrong is that both parties came in with zero trust in the other, both thought the other was there to “rip him off”, and both became emotionally heated during the discussion.

Most negotiations go down that road, maybe not to the drastic point this one did, but they usually end with people frustrated, angry or feeling “devalued” when it was done.

See the value in the negotiation comes with the thoughts and preparation you walk in to the room with.  It comes with the way you are able to think through the value of things to the other party, not yourself. And it comes in the way you are able to ask the tough questions in order to get the other party to see when they are being unreasonable in their requests without making them defensive.

Don’t walk in to the room carrying your armor, just waiting for the shoe to drop because I guarantee you it will.

Instead walk in assuming both sides want to come to a resolution but the path or best way to get there isn’t determined yet.

Then focus on truly listening to what the other person is saying rather than assuming you know what they mean.

You will be surprised at how much more you hear when you open your brain to options.