I am finding I am at a very busy and vulnerable time in my life. I am between balancing my work, my team, my family, my health, and my parents. All of these responsibilities come with great love and accountability.
The balance is critical to the success of these challenges so none takes over me personally. I have found that the more concrete I am about what I can and cannot do, the better I am to create balance and the less frustration people have with me. Surprisingly most people don’t realize the brain deals better with a “no” versus a “maybe.”
When the brain hears “maybe” it puts its own interpretation on that maybe and then becomes tied to that. So if you tell me “maybe” you can come to the festival this weekend and my brain interprets that as a yes while yours is saying “no way.” I will become angry, frustrated, hurt and upset when you cancel on the event.
Bottom line, the brain does better when it can have control over what is happening to it. Now having said that, you really do need to make sure the tone of voice you use, the words you choose and the timing you choose for your message still honor the other person. The situation below will expand on that.
For now, Happy Spring!!
Oh, and if you want to hear more, we would love you to join us for one of our 2015 Managing Your Strategic Message Sessions.
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Outcome Thinking® Solution
How to politely say no
by Anne Warfield
SITUATION: Whenever I attempt to say something that has been requested of me cannot be done, I am perceived as being rude. How can I politely say “no”?
OUTCOME DESIRED: You want to be able to get people to understand when a request cannot be met without them becoming angry with you.
HOW TO BEST HANDLE:
This one can be tricky. If you immediately say, “no, we can’t do that because…” people will perceive that as you are a “stopper” rather than a doer. Why? Because your first words are “no” and then you try explaining “why” you can’t do their request. Remember the question we have been talking about in many sessions which is –“am I trying to get them to understand my position?” In this case, yes you are and that WILL be perceived negatively.
Here are some quick pointers:
1. Look at the tone of voice you use.
If you are short in your voice, breathe deeply before answering, or show body language that is showing frustration you will be interpreted as being “difficult.”
2. Do you smile or frown as you listen and respond?
If you are frowning or drawing your eyebrows together while you are listening it will be interpreted that you were trying to figure out how to say “no” before the person even finished speaking.
3. Look at how many times you say no versus yes.
Do you tend to look at why you shouldn’t do something instead of why you should do something? If so, you will gain a reputation as a person that is more negative and positive.
4. Use clarifying questions to challenge back instead of no.
Clarifying questions are questions that challenge the other person to expand or clarify what they are asking and why. Clarifying questions include: “tell me this,” “share with me how,” or “how does that relate to.”
BEST PHRASED: Hear the difference in the following phrases:
“Currently my project load is high. So the first I would be able to get to this is Monday. I realize you are on a deadline. Will that still work or would you prefer to bring the project to someone else?”
Or “I would love to be able to help you out. In this case I am going to have to pass due to other projects I am working on.”
The above two phrases make a person sound like you are looking at their request and how you can help them achieve it rather than just saying no right away.
Take Action:
Put yourself through the test this week to see if you are able to balance saying no while showing the other person you respect their request.
Deal of the Month!
What Words Influence Others and Build Trust
Have you ever wished you knew just what to say so someone loved your idea, funded your project or bought from you?
Is there magic to the words you use that either sway a person to an idea or repels them?
In this session you will learn:
– What stops people from listening
– Which words evoke trust
– Which words kill trust
– What you can do to become more influential
You will be surprised to learn which words actually kill trust. Many of these words are used by people who believe they are being persuasive but they are really killing trust! They actually cause people to resist you without them even knowing why they are resisting you.
Click here to register for the “Successful Communication, Brain Style Analysis” Virtual Training, a 90 minute training session with a personalized Outcome Thinking® Communication Assessment included, that you can now watch anytime that is convenient for you.
Quoteable Quotes
“Where you start is not nearly as important as where you finish.” – Zig Ziglar
Executive Presence – Can You Turn People’s Mind?
One of the real skills of someone with strong Executive Presence is the ability to get people to see a situation from a completely new angle so they are able to change their mind and save face.
“Previously when I presented I focused on the outcome and my opening was not as strong.
The value to the audience was not the focus. Now that I’ve attended Managing Your Message I keep the outcome in focus but focus on what is important to the audience, not just what I want to achieve. If your job requires any kind of presentations, this is a class you’d want to take.”
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