Learn more: http://annewarfields.blogspot.com/

By Steven Gaffney -- April 2008

This article is an excerpt from the book, "Honesty Works! Real-World Solutions to Common
Problems at Work & Home." By: Steven Gaffney

Fear is a normal and appropriate response to many of the challenges we face in life. The problem comes when fear becomes a reason for not accomplishing something. The reality is that we often do things in spite of our fears - we ride scary amusement park rides, meet future in-laws, go on job interviews, or go skydiving. Fear is not the reason why we don't do something; it's just an excuse we allow ourselves to get off the hook and not do something.

For instance, fear of public speaking is one of the top fears people have. Yet many people speak even though they are very afraid. Johnny Carson, Carly Simon, Carol Burnett, and Barbra Streisand all had fears of performing in public -- yet, they became very successful. They learned techniques to handle and overcome their fears.

The truth is fear doesn't stop us from doing anything; we stop ourselves.

Here are five tips to help you gain control and overcome your fear.

1. Channel your fear into useful energy and actions. Don't bottle up that nervous energy, channel it into action, such as preparation or planning. Walter Cronkite said, "It is natural to have butterflies. The secret is to have them fly in formation." For example, if you need to do a presentation, research the group you are going to address, interview key personnel, become clear about what they want, and then practice, practice, practice. Plan and account for potential problems. If you are nervous about a job interview, write down interview questions and answers, then practice them out loud. You might even take a practice ride to the interview location. Don't bottle up your fear - use it.

2. Share fears out loud, then repeat positive affirmations to yourself. This may feel odd at first, but try it. Say all your concerns and fears about a situation out loud. Once you get the concerns and fears out, start verbalizing the positive affirmations. For example, say out loud, "It is going to go great" or "They are going to love the presentation." Remember, it is impossible to think positive and negative thoughts at the same time. It is especially hard to think positively when you are thinking negatively. So, share all of your worries and concerns, then share the positive affirmations and watch the magic.

3. Practice visualization. Visualization is a powerful tool. Do you ever catch yourself "daydreaming?" Daydreaming is visualization, and you can apply the same concept to facing fear. Visualize yourself successfully handling the situation you are afraid of. Run that picture through your head at least ten times. Do this in a quiet place, with no distractions and your eyes closed. If you can't visualize yourself successfully facing a fearful situation, imagine you are in a movie theatre and you are watching someone who looks like you, acts like you, and talks like you conducting the situation successfully. Do this at least ten times. After you complete this visualization, put yourself back into the picture and run through the successful scene at least another ten times. Your outlook on the situation will change.

4. Be clear about how you want the event to go and how you want it to end. We tend to be the most nervous at the beginning and the end. If you are clear about these two parts, then you can always fall back on autopilot if you get really nervous. For example, if it is a presentation you are nervous about, write down the beginning and end and practice these two parts the most. That way you will know them to the point of not having to think about them. The point here is to pay particular attention to the areas that make you the most nervous, which is usually the beginning and the end.

5. Play through the worst-case scenario and then the best-case scenario. People usually believe that by thinking through a worst-case scenario they will become more stressed and afraid. The solution is to play out the worst-case scenario all the way to the end by continually asking yourself, and then what would happen? Unfortunately, many of us stop mentally working through this worst-case scenario as soon as we come up against our fear. Instead, play out the scenario fully as if you are watching a movie. If you were watching a movie, you wouldn't stop the movie as soon as the main character got in trouble and you wouldn't even assume the character was doomed. You would watch the movie to the end to see what happened. That's what you must do when you envision your worst-case scenario. Most of the time you will simply discover that you are right back where you started. In some cases the worst-case scenario exercise can help you learn from potential mistakes.

Suppose you are afraid to ask for a raise. Well, if you go ahead and ask - despite your fear -the answer may still be no. But in that process you may receive some helpful feedback. At the very least, you now know where you stand so you can make some decisions about your future.

The point here is that parts of your worst-case scenario may come true when you face a fear. But chances are you will have learned something from the experience and you may even be better off than you were before.

If your worst-case scenario has you ending up in the gutter, homeless, or in jail, don't worry. Those consequences are most likely not the result of one conversation or one event not going well. More likely, that would require a series of bad choices. In life, one thing usually doesn't hurt us that badly; it's the continued procession of bad choices. Eating fast food once in a while won't make you overweight. But, if you east fast food every single day, you may need new clothes pretty quickly.

After you have played through the worst-case scenario, play out the best-case scenario and notice how you feel. There is a lot more room for positive thought when we clear out the negative doom and gloom. If you are like most people who have gone through this exercise, you will find yourself more willing to tackle the fear because you have a clearer picture of possible outcomes. Now you can prepare for them!

Michael Pritchard said, "Fear is the darkroom where negatives are developed." Don't stop yourself from doing and saying things you want and need to do. Fear is like an alarm. You decide how you want to respond to it. You can take action whether or not you are afraid. Fear can't stop you -- only you can stop you.

Copyright, 2008, Steven Gaffney Company, All Rights Reserved

About the Author
Thousands credit Steven Gaffney's keynote addresses, breakout sessions and intense seminars with making the critical difference in helping improve communication, boost teamwork, increase productivity and generate new business. Gaffney's speeches and seminars, combined with his print interviews and media appearances for his two books - Honesty Works! Real-World Solutions to Common Problems at Work & Home (2006) and Just Be Honest: Authentic Communication Strategies that Get Results and Last a Lifetime (2002) - have enabled him to help individuals and organizations make a significant impact. His clients include the Marriott, SAIC, American Cancer Society, American Express, Lockheed Martin, Citigroup, Raytheon, Texas Instruments, the Environmental Protection Agency, NASA and the U.S. Navy. Learn more at www.StevenGaffney.com